Our Past:

Chapter 3: Drowning

Resilence is the Salve for Our Injuries

 

I stood before the behemoth gates.

Their rusty hinges squeaked as they opened.

Behind me: vanishing ligaments of light.

There, in front of me: utter darkness.

 

I cannot prevent anyone from 

getting angry, or mad, or frustrated,

I can only hope that they’ll turn that

anger and frustration

and madness into something positive.

–Harvey Milk. 1930-1978.

 

Start where you are. Use what your have.

Do what you can.

–Arthur Ashe. 1943-1993

 

Last wave smacked my back,

flung me across its threshold.

Splat. Landed face-flat.

 

In exile,

inside the still open gaits, 

still ankle deep, in the pitchy sea,

I stood still, afraid, ‘trembling in the cold. 

In this intolerable state, doubt,

the vengeful eliminator of possibility,

descended ‘n assassinated ambition.

 

I searched for a safe place

but in the pitch-black dark

at high tide of sensory deprivation,

there was no high ground to be had.

I dreaded my fate and regretted my failures.


After great pain, a formal feeling comes–

The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs–

The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,

And yesterday, or Centuries before?


The Feet, mechanical, go round–

Of ground, or Air or Ought–

A Wooden way Regardless grown,

A quartz contentment, like a stone–

This is the Hour of Lead–

Remember, if outlived,

As Freezing persons recollect the Snow–

First–Chill–then Stupor–then letting go.

–Emily Dickinson. 1830-1886.

 

When asked if I am pessimistic 

or optimistic about the future

my answer is always the same:

If you look at the science

my answer is always the same:

If you look at the science

about what is happening on earth

and aren’t pessimistic,

you don’t understand data.

But if you meet the people who are working

to restore this earth and the lives of the poor,

and you aren’t optimistic,

you haven’t got a pulse.

What I see everywhere in the world

are ordinary people willing to confront

despair, power, and incalculable odds

in order to restore some semblance of

grace, justice, and beauty to this world.

–Paul Hawkins. Born 1946. 

 

Pain–Sinusoidal

Suddenly, in revocation,

an undercurrent grabbed my ankles

‘n dragged me back out.

 

Tossed about

the raging sea of tar.

Sucked under; warm,

seductive ‘n suffocating.

Sunk, deeper down to the frigid level.

At the bottom of the deep trough

of an unfamiliar cycle of pain.

As the 3-D waltz of precess

led me to spiritual death,

dichotomous options appeared:

I could succumb ‘n become a sycophant

to the state

‘n enlist in its army to oppress

other designated, “Contaminants.”

Or, I could die.  

 


A barely perceptible feeling,

like faint Morse Code,

tapped my intuition,

my bridge of hope.

Sensual noise tuned-out,

I used my sixth sense to feel

or to hear some … any … thing?


When you see something that is not just,

not fair, or not right, 

you have to say something.

Make a little noise. 

It’s time for us to get into good trouble, necessary trouble.

–John Lewis. 1940-2020.


Pick up the battle 

and make a better world

Just where you are.

–Dr. Maya Angelou. 1928-2014.


It isn’t enough to talk about peace.

One must believe in it.

And it isn’t enough to believe in it.

One must work at it.

–Eleanor Roosevelt. 1884-1962.

Submerged, I remembered:

During the purge of equity ‘n integrity,

Lady Justice ‘n her advocates were attacked.

 

Her wards, Love and Abundance, were undone;

all hearts shattered ‘n infinity fractured.

Yet, Lady Justice strove to the very end

to emit her vital call for all to heed.

 

Words of hope spiraled forth,

which enraged her adversary

who struck, strangled and slashed.

Yet, they could not stop her call to all.


Carry-on the 400 years

of hard work and forever strive

to fulfill our pledge

for a just democracy

that serves us all, timely and equally.

Our Life-Care services fail when those sworn

to lead, teach, feed, build, mend and protect,

instead, harm us.

We must overcome our failures,

build true equity, advance social justice,

if we are to heal.


What are the American ideals?

They are the development of the individual 

for his own and the common good; 

the development of the individual through liberty; 

and the attainment of the common good 

through democracy and social justice.

–Louis D. Brandeis. 1856-1941.


All at once,

someone SLAPPED me.

What the …?


Awaken to your tertiary trajectory.

Youthful cynicism is sad to observe, 

because it indicates

not so much knowledge learned from the bitter experience

as insufficient trust to even attempt the future. 

–Dr. Maya Angelou. 1928-2014.

 

No one has the right to sit down and feel hopeless.

There is too much work to do.

–Dorothy Day. 1897-1980.

Bug off.

I am outta here;

drowning out is better than livin’ in

Senseless-motionless-breathless-thoughtless

world awash in a frenzy of fear.

V

V

I sunk, willingly, wantonly.

Wanting to drown in the briny.


WAM. A second WACK of a SMACK!


Ooooouch!

What do you want?


Realize your Resilience

(This was their first gift to me.)

Get on with you. I am checkin’ out.

Do not waste it.

 

It is your power

to rebalance

to restore.


If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk,

if you can’t walk then crawl,

but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.

–Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929-1968


Peace is the opposite of dreaming.

It’s built slowly and surely 

through brutal compromises 

and tiny victories that you don’t even see.

It’s a messy business,

bringing peace into this world.

–Bono. Born 1960. 

 

Behold the third trajectory of pain. 

Monitor your sinusoidal wave.  

Meter it. Modulate it.

Restrain its troughs. 

Temper its crests. 

As the wave subsides,

You come back to life,

Inside and out. 

It took a very

long time for him

to re-see the truth

to re-hear the truth

to re-trust the truth

to re-believe in the truth

to re-learn how to share the truth.


This is what happened:

It is the frontline in the battle

of love over hate over vengeance,

it is true.


Now, let us get him to come back up.


If your Nerve, deny you

Go above your Nerve

He can lean against you

He can lean against the grave

If he fear to swerve


That’s a steady posture

Never any bend

Held of those Brass arms

Best Giant made.


If your soul seesaw

Lift the flesh door

that Poltroon wants Oxygen

–Emily Dickinson. 1830-1886.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo.